What is it like to listen without judgment?
Posted by jodietonita on December 21, 2006
“An essential part of true listening is the temporary giving up or setting aside of one’s own prejudices, frames of reference and desires, so as to experience as far as possible the speaker’s world from the inside, step in inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension and enlargement of ourselves, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is begun again.”
M. Scott Peck, MD, The Road Less Traveled
One of the greatest barriers to deep listening is our own constantly judging mind. We often keep a running commentary of what the other is saying, sorting everything according to our own beliefs and opinions:
“I agree with that.”
“No, that’s not right.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Good idea!
“It’s not like that.”
‘Well, the way I see it is…”
What is it like to listen without judgment?
To simply listen.
To allow ourselves to experience life as does the other…
Through their frame of reference.
To turn off the commentator.
To relax the judge.
And to simply listen.
With an open, innocent mind.
For most of us, this is a huge…and wonderful challenge.
Practice>>> Choose three conversations to practice listening with this depth. Devote the highest and deepest quality of your attention, experiment with listening without judgment.
Adapted from the practices of Robert Gass.
