The practice:
Be conscious every time you give your word.
(To yourself as well as to others.)
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

Let’s spend another day on the topic of promises to ourselves.

“When a (wo)man takes an oath… s/he’s holding his own self in his/her own hands. Like water. And if s/he opens his/her fingers then – s/he needn’t hope to find her/himself again.”
Robert Bolt, English playwright 1924-1995

Just like in making commitments to others, we want to reflect carefully before promising.

We often get into trouble when there is a lack of inner alignment.

We hear a voice inside saying,
“You really should…
–start eating better
–get an early start on the proposal
–meditate more often

And like a good boy or girl, we immediately commit to ourself, “Yes, I will do ________.”

But if we listen very carefully, we may catch a trace of another voice, way in the background, whispering, “Un-uh. I don’t want to.” This is the familiar birth of most “New Year’s Resolutions,” the many promises we make to ourselves that don’t happen.

Don’t be casual with your word to yourself.
Wait.
Be sure you’re really committed and aligned.
Consult your inner knowing on each and every decision!

Know the power of your word.
It’s a matter of integrity.

“Breach of promise is a base surrender of truth”.
Gandhi

But it’s also about personal effectiveness.
Unclear commitments lower quality.
Unclear commitments waste precious energy.

The practice:
Be conscious every time you give your word.
(To yourself as well as to others.)
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

Adapted from the practices of Robert Gass.

Did you?
Did you do the interview with a loved one?
If so, how did it go?
What did you learn?

If not, today’s an excellent day to complete the assignment.

And how are you doing overall with this practice?

The practice:
Be conscious every time you give your word.
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

100% is an high standard.
Hopefully you are using the practice to discern more refined levels of what it means to give—and to keep—your word.

But if you didn’t keep your word yesterday, or even an hour ago, it doesn’t matter.
Because it’s already past.
Being down on yourself is just more stuff in the way.

Start over.
Now.

“Come, come, whoever you are,
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving
It doesn’t matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times.
Come, yet again.
Come, come.”
Rumi

The practice:
Be conscious every time you give your word.
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably

Adapted from the practices of Robert Gass.

Unclear or broken agreements are one of the greatest sources of mistrust and conflict.

Your partner asks what time you’ll be home (with a bit of edge in his/her voice, as in “be back EARLY”). You want to “avoid” conflict, so out of your mouth comes a hopeful estimate of the earliest imaginable time it possibly might be. Then, of course, you come home 30-60 minutes later… waltzing in with a smile and a hug.

Now what happens?
A much more upsetting conflict than if you had worked to negotiate a mutually agreeable time up front.

We should give our intimate relationships even more mindfulness and attention as the domain of work.

Here’s an edgy and potentially educational assignment for today:

Choose someone you are in a closer personal relationship with. If you are in a love relationship, focus on that person. Otherwise, pick a close family member or friend with whom you have frequent contact and knows you well.

You are going to interview them about their experience of you - your accountability to commitments, using the questions in this Accountability Survey. This can be done in person, or on the telephone. Let them know that you are seeking feedback, in order to improve accountability to all your commitments and promises.

After your interview, taken some time to reflect back to the person what you have heard, and thank them for their honesty.

The practice:
Be conscious every time you give your word.
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

Adapted from the practices of Robert Gass.

For some of us, the greatest challenge is not our commitments to others—it’s the promises to ourselves.

“I’m going to start working out 3 times a week.”
“I’m finally going to confront the Board about their lack of accountability.”
“I’m going to stop getting so defensive about_____.”
“I’m not going to check my email today.”

“Promises that you make to yourself are often like the Japanese plum tree - they bear no fruit.”
Francis Marion, American Revolutionary War Guerilla fighter

When don’t keep these promises, we diminish our trust in ourselves. We start to discount our own word. We commit, but the little voice in the head says, “Yeah, right!”

What’s required?
The same mindfulness we are practicing in regard to others.
Slowing down and really reflecting before giving our word.
Consulting our inner knowing.
Practicing the 3 “Cs” of skillful commitments:
* clarity: understanding the implications of our commitment—what we will actually have to do to fulfill it
* context: carefully considering this choice in the light of existing commitments, our purpose and our personal ecology
* choice: checking for inner alignment; that that we are operating from “choose to” rather than “have to”

“The ”Inside-Out” approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness means to start first with self; even more fundamentally, to start with the most inside part of self, with your paradigms, your character, and your motives. The inside-out approach says that private victories precede public victories, that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others.”
Stephen Covey

The practice:
Be conscious every time you give your word.
(To yourself as well as to others.)
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

Adapted from the practices of Robert Gass.

Photo: George Osodi/AP
Children play at an abandoned oil facility in Korokoro, Nigeria.

Photo: Tom Hanson/CP
Prime Minister Stephen Harper presents Afghan President Hamid Karzai with a baby jumper featuring the logo of the Ottawa Senators for his new son in Kabul.

The Practice:
Be conscious every time you give your word.
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

“The best way to keep one’s word is not to give it.”
Napoleon Bonaparte

Many of you are probably starting to notice that many, if not most of your challenges with The Power of the Word have to do with making commitments in the first place.

Those of us who understand The Power of the Word appreciate each moment of commitment as a truly powerful and important point in life.

The moment we commit, in some small—or large—way, our life is irrevocably changed. Our life force now becomes channeled into fulfilling the implications of this choice.

We spent time learning to consult our inner knowing for each and very decision, large and small, for precisely this reason.

So we want to pause before giving our word:
* pause to understand the implications of our commitment—what we will actually have to do to fulfill it (clarity)
* pause to carefully consider this choice in the light of existing commitments, our purpose and our personal ecology (context)
* pause to check for inner alignment; that that we are operating from “choose to” rather than “have to” (choice)

These are the 3Cs of making skillful commitments:
* clarity
* context
* choice

So today, focus on those moments of giving your word.
Create the space you need to reflect before giving your word:
“I’d like until tomorrow/next week before saying “Yes.”
“Let me get back to you on…”

“Never make a promise in haste.”
Gandhi

Avoid making more commitments that you will have to renegotiate, or fail to deliver.

Taking care with your word is a gift to others, as well as yourself.

“Those that are most slow in making a promise are the most faithful in the performance of it.”
Jean Jacques Rousseau

Be conscious every time you give your word.
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

The Practice:
Be conscious every time you give your word.
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

“One must have a good memory to be able to keep the promises that one makes”
Friedrich Nietzsche

This was written MANY years ago, in a world that was far slower and less complex. Today, given the number and complexity of commitments most of us have to field, to be impeccable, it is absolutely critical that you track every commitment you make… business and personal life no matter how small.

Use whatever systems works best for you—electronic, pen & paper…

For our practice period, when we are striving for 100%, don’t make a single commitment without immediately writing it down on your list.

Then check off your commitments off, one by one, when you have delivered.

Begin tracking your new commitments today, if you have not already done so.

f.y.i. 100% impeccably means… “100% impeccably.”

When you do catch yourself not delivering (Hey, we’re all human!)
deal FORTHRIGHTLY with the situation:

* acknowledge your failure to keep your word
* skillfully re-negotiate a new commitment
* don’t waste further energy berating yourself.
* instead, use that energy to keep your word starting right… NOW

Be conscious every time you give your word.
Keep every commitment… 100% impeccably!

Adapted from the practices of Robert Gass.

Photo: Jim Young/REUTERS

Karima Mezry of Morocco hugs her son Soufiane after taking the oath of citizenship to become an American citizen in Mount Vernon, Va.

Photo: Santiago Llanquin/AP

Protesters run from a police water cannon in Valparaiso, Chile, during a demonstration held to coincide with President Michelle Bachelet’s annual state of the nation address.